We believe that every child deserves a loving family and a safe home. However, we do not believe that every family is meant to be an adoptive family. Our editorial team sat down with AdoptTogether mom Tacy Riehm to discuss some of the misguided reasons that parents have adopted in the past.
1. Convenience
Many couples think “Why not adopt a child? We’ve already got two children. What’s one more?” While there are plenty of myths about the challenges of raising adoptive children, there is a reality that your child’s origin will require you to adapt your parenting skills to a new challenge, which can involve interactions with a birth mother, special needs, cultural accommodations, and lots of time spent doing paperwork. The last thing a child needs is to come into a home with exasperated parents feeling bitter about the demands of their adoption process.
2. Personal Dissatisfaction
If you’re unsatisfied with your biological kids, bringing in an adopted child won’t correct or improve their behavior or relationship with you as parents. Most likely it will only complicate or worsen things with your biological kids and your adoptive child.
3. A Desire To Be Heroic
If you want to adopt to feel good about yourself or fulfill need to look heroic, this is not for you. As in any parenting role, you will not get the thanks you think you deserve.
4. Divided Family Support
If your entire family isn’t on board, adoption will be a nightmare. This is an all-hands-on-deck kind of situation. You need the others to be strong when you are struggling as a parent, as raising a child at any level is always a team effort!
5. Filling A Void
If you are trying to fulfill some kind of hole or deficit in your life, adoption is not the solution. While many people adopt animals out of a sense of loneliness, adopting a child is a different story. Adoption may indeed be something you feel passionate about, but take the time to work on yourself before building a family on an unstable foundation. Pre-adoptive education can be a great tool for building up this stable foundation! (link to pre-adoptive articles)
by Tacy Riehm
If you enjoyed this post, you may also enjoy:
Testimonial: Foster-Adoption Far From A Nightmare by Julie Halton
During our training to become fost-adopt parents we heard a lot of grim stories... My husband and I completed our certification and prepared for the worst. We were fostering with the intent to adopt and and heard story after story of families caring for two, three or...
Testimonial: 5 Important Crowdfunding Reminders
Remember... You're Not Alone "Feeling scared to ask people for money? Me too!" Most of the families I have talked with about starting their AdoptTogether crowd fundraising say, “I am nervous to ask people for money.” I felt the same way when we started crowd...
Testimonial: Adoption Is Not One Thing
As I sit watching the snowflakes falling outside my kitchen window my mind to wanders back to the time when my husband and I were adopting. So here come my thoughts... Adoption is a process. We talk about adoption as though it is one thing. That one thing is finding a...
Testimonial: A Single Parent International Adoption
Char Williams always knew she wanted to adopt, it was plan A to her. In fact it was the only plan she had for making her family. When she was in her late 30s, her two-year relationship ended. She was dating a guy who had kids from his first marriage but he knew she...
Testimonial: Why We Are Choosing Adoption Over Biological Children
About five years ago I stumbled upon a blog by a lovely young woman and her young husband who recounted their story of adopting their daughter from Uganda. I spent hours reading every post about their daughter. I was so moved by the mother’s heart, her yearning to be...
5 Ways Adoptive Parents Can Honor Birth Mothers
1. Be Present During the pre-placement process... I really enjoyed having the company of the adoptive parents. My parents lived in another state at the time and I had a 2 year old so I really appreciated their help as they would watch my son while I had counseling...
7 TED Talks about Adoption
1. How I Use the Internet to Build Families | Hank Fortener https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csimKako7_s&t=5s It's the pain inside of you, the mark the world left on you, that is the mark that you will then leave on the world. Ask yourself the question "What mark do I...
Testimonial: How We Chose Our Adoption Agency
After encountering various challenges with adopting through LA County, we decided that going through a private agency was a better choice for our family. We also knew that there were hundreds of agencies out there and were slightly overwhelmed by the process of...
Jenna Ushkowitz: Actress & Kindred Adoption Co-Founder
Jenna Ushkowitz is a Korean American adoptee from Seoul, South Korea who was adopted at 3 months old through Love the Children Adoption Agency. She grew up in East Meadow, New York with her parents Brad and Judi Ushkowitz, and an older brother, Gregg. As a child,...
Samantha Futerman: Separated At Birth & Kindred Co-Founder
Check out our AdoptTogether interview with Samantha as we discuss how she discovered she had a twin sister and the inspiration behind founding Kindred. https://youtu.be/Su69VJu8BZI Samantha Futerman is a Korean American adoptee. Born in Busan, South Korea, Samantha...