I am currently just working on building a travel fund. As horribly uncomfortable as it is to ask and even to accept help, in case anyone came here to make contributions, you can still do so at
https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-bring-baby-zahra-home-from-india
Please keep reading below for updates as I will still update here regularly. THANK YOU for sharing my journey.
I am not sure of where to even begin with my dreams of adopting a child. I have dreamt of adopting a child ever since I was in college. After nineteen years abroad, I moved back to America so that I could finally make this dream a reality. However, adoption isn't about the parent anyway…I think every child deserves a home with love.Every child deserves unconditional love and I can think of wanting nothing more than to share this type of love with someone who so deeply needs it. I do not know if there is anything more pure than a mother's love for a child and I do not want to go through life without giving this love for another year of my life. People keep asking me how I could possibly survive on a teacher's salary as a single mom or if I have any idea how hard my life is about to become. All I can say is that it is like when you meet that special person and you just "know" that he or she is the right one, I just "know" that being a mother to a child who is already out there is what I am supposed to do.
My parents are the two most amazing people I have ever met and they taught me that one can overcome anything with perseverance. So I am starting to navigate my way down this adoption journey after years of contemplation, and I am asking the universe for the privilege to become a mother. Those of you who know me know that this has been a journey that has taken over 5 years, and it has been filled with setbacks and law changes in various countries.
I moved back to America due to adoption laws and to have support from my mom as well. Mom passed away a few months ago. To be completely honest, I never imagined that I would be living in America ever again, let alone adopt while here. Living where it would be difficult to hire any help with childcare and being in America doing this without my mom were never part of the plan, but here we are.
I once read a quote about how we get in our cars and turn on the headlights. Though we are not able to clearly see how we will get to our destination. we can see as far as we need to as we go. So I am taking a leap of faith and going to go little by little and eventually, I hope to reach the destination.
####
#### Surgery #2 (October 24th, 2019)
Cleft palate surgery is taking place today. Great news after not passing court yesterday. This hopefully means just a normal maternity leave to pick her up and bond, hopefully no surgeries for a little while.
To everyone's surprise, I didn't pass court. It is hard to say when I can finally bring her back, but I will be going to India during the winter school holiday because I have been advised that this will make things move fast for processing once I do pass through the court system. The next court date will be at the end of Nov.
####
Medical Condition (October, 2019)
FIngers crossed Zahra can have one more surgery in India before pick up time. The best timing is now and waiting means many things one would not hope for. If it doesn't work out, maternity leave time will look like surgery and recovery instead of bonding time and her just dealing with so much more trauma than one would hope - the new country, new language, new food, new everything…
Hopefully the next court date will be the last. The adoption agency seems hopeful and all should be in order. After a judge approves, a new birth certificate with my name on it will be issued. I will be able to pick up Zahra after the birth certificate and passport are issued. (processing time varies from roughly 2 - 5 weeks but there are also cases where it has been longer)
The court process can be different for everyone depending on the state, the judge and how he or she feels about international adoption. The smoothest would be 3 court dates to finish this part of the process.
NOC means no objections court in India. It is usually the final document which one gets finalizing the adoption after court in India and signifies the time when you must travel to pick up the baby. It is not usually given so early in the process, but should speed things up by a month or three (anyone's guess it seems as this has never happened before with India adoptions) I am currently waiting for the original documents from the orphanage so that I can finalize things on the US immigration side before my Indian court dates.
On March 1st, I finally returned a phone call to my agency. They had tried calling me all week to tell me there was a baby for me. My person at the agency happened to be in India and when she saw the information for this child, she said she knew it was a baby for me. I was not supposed to be matched for about another 6 months, but she pushed for me to get this child for some reason and I was able to jump past every non NRI or OCI (Indian citizen) on the list. Tanushree was 6 months old at the time of match and was born either the day we said goodbye to my mother in the hospital or the next day when Mom passed away. She was left on the street abandoned and eventually taken in by the orphanage approximately 9 days after her birth. Her first surgery for her cleft lip/cleft palette was on March 1st. Most likely, she will have another one or two surgeries when she comes home.
The Indian government has looked over all of my paperwork and approved! This means that I can be matched at anytime in the next six months. Since I am adopting a child with minor medical needs, and I specifically have chosen very minor needs, it will most likely be closer to six months from now that I will be matched. Also, what was estimated to take a month has actually taken 3 and a half months due to staff changes in the Indian government. Now, we wait. My dossier is almost ready to be sent and it's time to wait and keep saving/raising money.
They say it takes about a month to be approved. My next step is applying for pre-approval of a US passport as I wait for approval from the Indian government.
I have just spent the last few months completing all part of the home study - from the home and fire inspections and interviews to the adoption courses and hunting down all of the paperwork required. While daunting and a little scary, I have learned how different this experience will be to giving birth to a healthy baby in a hospital and having her from day one. I have a better understanding of how adopted children are all going to come with some sort of issues as a result of their abandonment and then circumstances in their orphanages. I know this child will be grieving her losses without being able to express them, suffer from some level of developmental delays from being raised in an orphanage and possibly have a myriad of issues we won't see in the first few years, but I am fully committed.
#### Registered on the Indian government website (like reserving a spot in line to be a parent) August 23, 2018 #### Approximate Timeline from August 23, 2018
I have chosen to adopt a child with minor medical needs from India. Having just received my OCI card from India, and gathered necessary documents, the agency will now register me with India for adoption. The OCI card should help speed things up, but below is a timeline.
0- 6 months - Once on the waiting list with the Indian government, the match time is about 0 - 6 months, but possibly longer. This will depend on what "minor medical needs" and age I am willing to accept etc. Medical needs can range from more serious heart defects to club foot, for now I have chosen age 0-2 and minor medical needs.
8-14 months after being matched would be my court date for bringing home this child.
I do not know the age of the child I will eventually be bringing home yet and this makes many differences. Beyond the childcare costs, the first and foremost concern will be bonding and attachment for both of us as well as a child adjusting to all of the new changes from caretaker to food and sounds of a new country. This will be harder with older toddlers or babies and the best thing to do is to spend as much time as possible at home with the child.
I am currently tutoring as many hours as possible and saving everything I can. I will continue to do this over the next year and a half, but with any money that supports the cost of the adoption, it means my saved money can go towards childcare and the possibility of having FMLA time off with the child. While this is ideal for any parent, I have learned through the adoption courses that this is extremely important for these children who have to learn to trust an adult after traumatic experiences.
