Growing up, I (Liz) always thought I'd want four kids. I loved the idea of a house full of noise, movement and laughter. Cary wanted children, but growing up with four siblings, he was thinking more along the lines of two children. When we married, we decided to compromise and settled on the idea of three children. We married slightly older than some of our peers, the year we both turned 30. One year later we decided it was time to start a family, and God blessed us with two special children, Liam and Ella. In the spring of 2020,
... Read morebefore the craziness of covid hit, we decided that it was time to try for baby three. God blessed us again, and we found out we were expecting a little boy, who we named Logan Andrew.
In July, Cary and I found out at our 20 week anatomy scan that our baby Logan, had gone on the heaven. His little heart was silent. Our hearts shattered..... and we entered one of the darkest valleys I think we will ever know in this life. The doctors didn't have alot of answers but suspected some kind of genetic issue. But they assured us that the chances of another such late loss were low.
That December, we were again blessed with a little life. But sadly, just 4 weeks after learning of that tiny beating heart, it to slipped away. We named 'her' Noel, which in Hebrew means 'born of God'. There weren't many explanations for this loss, as it was early.
So the spring of 2021 we were again blessed with another tiny little life, a baby boy we named Cody Lee. We were quite anxious for obvious reasons, but everything moved along normally and looked healthy. Then just a day or two past 18 weeks, we found out that Cody to had gone on ahead of us to heaven.
This time the doctors had a few more answers. Because we have two healthy children, some genetic issues are ruled out. With Logan and Cody, my body didn't have any problems carrying pregnancy, and we don't seem to have any issues conceiving. So what is left, is that something is wrong with my eggs. Most likely they have aged faster than I have, and aren't healthy anymore. And so, trying to conceive again doesn't seem like a good idea.
But we still long for another baby. To hold another tiny life and watch it grow. We still long for the house full of noise, laughter, and movement. I had thought about adoption in the past, and always thought of it as something that we might do someday. But now someday has been brought much closer. After much prayer and thought, we decided adoption was the way to go. We decided that we do still want another little one in our family. And we have so much more love to give.
We don't always understand the way God works. We don't know why He has brought us through this dark valley. But we are trusting that His plan for our lives is the best plan. And we choose His plan no matter how hard. Our deepest hope, is that someday we will be in heaven with all our children, all 6 of them! Now won't that be a house filled with noise!
