I’m opening a new chapter in my journey! Welcoming a new member of my soul family thru adoption!
In January 2020, I initiated my first contact with my adoption agency. I gathered my courage and registered for an available intro to adoption class. The pandemic happened and it was rescheduled for the following month via webinar. I couldn’t believe all that was happening around me, but I continued my walk one step at time. And now, I’ve been assigned a case worker and my home study has begun!
As I take these steps, I realize some dreams take a village. The costs to complete a domestic infant adoption are close to $40,000. In addition to the $40,000, I’ve already spent in medical treatments. I’ve decided to become part of the non-profit, crowd funding platform community with Adopt Together and Pure Charity to help make this possible and ease the weight on my shoulders. When someone provides a tax deductible donation to my fundraiser the organization will distribute funds for adoption related expenses, including lawyer and court costs. I’ve done my best to plan for every step I’ve taken, but this has been a long road.
My journey to motherhood hasn’t really gone as planned. But it has led me here, at this moment, for a reason. I’ve struggled with infertility for 15 years, when I was married and while in relationships. I’ve dreamed of having a family but was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which has made becoming a mother more difficult. In November of 2017, I walked into an infertility specialist’s office. I walked in feeling shame, knowing that I didn’t have the traditional family. I was single, infertile and 41 years old. But with every step I took, I recognized that some things are sacred and between you and God. There is a divine plan. I somehow found courage where I felt there wasn’t any and went thru 5 IVF attempts.
My first ever positive pregnancy test came with my second IVF attempt. There are no words to describe the moment I got the call. I heard the nurse saying, “CONGRATULATIONS!” as if I was in some alternate universe. I experienced cravings and saw my belly grow. I was expecting identical twins and was beginning to show even faster. At first, my bleeding was attributed to carrying two. I was being closely monitored and going for weekly ultrasounds. But no one could stop what would happen next-no heartbeat. Life had broken me, but God was walking along side with me. When my third attempt failed, the doctor recommended donor eggs. For my fourth and fifth cycle, I used both donor eggs and donor sperm. Trying to choose who would be the biological parents of my child would be another surreal moment. Using donors had the highest probability of success. Yet, both times, the embryos didn’t grow to proper development and the uterine transfers were cancelled. With a shattered heart, I decided it was in my best interest to close this chapter. I was exhausted in every sense of the word. In November 2019, I stopped all my hormones and tried my best to make sense of it all.
It has been one of the most challenging seasons of my life. Yet, as I’ve healed, my heart has opened up even bigger. I was reminded that I have so much room in my heart to love and raise a child, and be their safe space. I’m thankful to my parents, family, and friends for supporting me and encouraging me to continue walking in faith and not be ashamed of my story. I invite you to be part of this next chapter. Thank you all for the positive vibes, prayers, best wishes, and generous hearts.
Best,
Nitza
