Amy P.

I have the most exciting news to share… I AM ADOPTING!

I have chosen to become a single mother by choice through domestic infant adoption using Adoptions from the Heart Agency. Many of you know me but if you want , please read below to understand how my journey started and how I chose domestic adoption to become a single mother by choice. I will share updates along the journey to adopt!

My Backstory Over the Past 5 Years

As many of you know me, you know that I was married for a short period of time before getting a divorce. Though the marriage was rather short, there were two pregnancies that resulted from that marriage. Both were considered ectopic pregnancies leading to the eventual removal of my left fallopian tube. This further decreased my chances of ever naturally conceiving myself, if I ever found another partner to start a family with when the time was right. It was devastating; I was not only mourning the loss of my marriage that I poured everything into, but I was also mourning the loss of my fertility and potentially the loss of my life during the most serious times of my ectopic pregnancies'. These are the things that never made it into those magical books you read as a child or movies you watched as a teenager. You think that when you grow up, you’ll go to school, get a job, get married, and start a family. Oh, how little do we know. As some would say, we plan and God laughs.

Fast forward 5 years, and here I am stronger than before, independent, a home owner, an aunt to the most amazing 3 little kids anyone could know, and single. Single and not willing to settle for anything less then what I deserve and my future deserves. One day, someone told me a story about someone who never had children who really wanted children, and she believed that person struggled with it and regretted that decision her whole life. I paused a moment and thought…that could be me. I remember thinking over several days about that to the point that I thought to myself, I can always get married but I can't always become a mother. You know the ticking time clock on women's fertility, my own fertility issues, and frankly, the risk of having a child the older that you get. This made me start to think about the family that I have always wanted and made me start to research the possibilities if I could actually become a single mother by choice.

The wheels started to turn, questions piled up, and the journey slowly ever so slowly started…..

The "Why" Behind My Choice to Adopt

The most obvious reason that I have decided to start the journey of becoming a single parent is because I have always dreamed of becoming a mother. I have always been one that has been surrounded by kids my whole life. It was either my little cousins, my friend's siblings, the many babysitting gigs that I had, my coaching career or any event that I was at; you could always find me surrounded by kids. I chose at the very young age of 20 to start my career as a Registered Nurse and dedicate my nursing career to helping pediatric patients. This experience has opened my eyes to many different scenarios that happen in a child's life. I have taken care of many kids who are parented by their biological parents, but also children in the foster care system or who were adopted domestically at birth or from another country. The love that those families showed at the bedside was never any different if the child was theirs biologically or through another means. It wasn't until I experienced my fertility issues 5 years ago that I started to really pay attention to those kids who were adopted or conceived through IVF. I would find myself asking some questions to the families and always interested in hearing their stories.

When you decide to become a single parent, there are a few options that you can choose from. You can do fertility treatments, which would be straight to IVF (due to the lack of my fallopian tube), which is the most expensive form of fertility treatments and would also have me research sperm donors. That process was intimidating and quite scary. I was able to navigate that system well with the help of my doctors and a few friends that have gone that route. After much consideration, I determined that the possibility of having another miscarriage or ectopic was too great, and I didn't know if I wanted to put myself into that position again for the 3rd time. As well, IVF is very expensive with no guarantee of a pregnancy, which left me with the option of either having to pick IVF or adoption because I couldn't afford to do both. That is a reality that is so hard to swallow but many MANY parents with fertility issues are presented this scenario and it is heart breaking and stressful.

With no guarantee and knowing that this would probably be a one time chance that I could afford to do, I chose adoption. When I made that choice, there was a calm over my body. The stress of the past 5 years worrying that I would never be a mom because every normal, hardworking, dedicated man must be married or taken because dating was not going well :) (it's slightly different dating in your mid 30s than early 20s). The one life dream that I have wanted since I was a child was starting to look like it could come true. Maybe, just maybe God has tested me the past 5 years because He knew I needed to prove to myself that I could stand up on my own two feet after devastation and be a better person and still be able to reach my goals.

Adoption…. one word that has so many layers.

Financial Obligation of Adoption

This is my least favorite subject to talk about during the adoption process. Maybe because it is the one main reason that most people cannot adopt. In all of my research of this process, the one bit of research that stuck out the most to me was the financial statistics. Statistics show that 47% of families want to adopt but because of the financial burden, only 2% can actually adopt. It may surprise you to hear that adoption related cost can easily add up to $40,000 or more. Many of these costs include legal fees, attorney fees, agency fees, home study fees, and state regulation fees depending on the state that you adopt from. Thankfully, there is a great state tax credit of about $14,000 that is granted the year after your adoption is final. Grants are available and obviously financing options, as well.

I say that I hate to talk about this subject because my parents taught me to never talk about money in public! The good thing is that my parents raised me to work for what I want, and thankfully I have a great job as a pediatric nurse. Although lacking a second income will be a financial challenge that I have to navigate, I plan on working extra shifts and harder then I ever have before to make this happen. To me, there isn't a price tag high enough to stop me from reaching this goal.

I have told a handful of people about my journey so far and everyone is so excited and keeps asking what they can do. My answer is always to pray. Pray for the birth parents that their decision comes after much consideration and is what they feel is right for the child that they are bringing into this world. Pray for the mother, as this is one of the most selfless things a person can do is give up her child so that the child will have a future that they may not be able to provide at this time. Pray for the process, the agency, and myself, because it will be an emotional process that could take 2 to 3 years. Pray for my family as they prepare themselves to open their arms and hearts to a child that does not share the same DNA as we do, but will be loved no differently. Pray for those that have made this choice and those that don't understand the process. I don't expect everyone to agree with my decision, but I do pray that everyone can respect my decision to become a parent just as they were able to make their decision on how to become a parent.

When all of this is done and you still feel that you would like to do something for me…there is a donate button at the top of this page. Please do not feel obligated to have to donate at all and know that I appreciate more than anything the prayers and thoughts during this time! The donations are not the point of me sharing my story ( I actually have struggled tremendously about this but sometimes you have to do things that are uncomfortable to you) but also the reality is that it cost a lot to adopt and any small amount will help. Please know that the money raised can only go to adoption fees and I must submit all documentation of those fees before the adoption grant is provided to me. I have found that sometimes it truly does take a community to reach what is important to people. Other than that, this page will be shared throughout my journey to help educate some people on the adoption process and the decisions people make to become a single parent by choice.

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Please feel free to share my story. Since the beginning of this journey, I have found that there is support out there for this but you do need to look in the right places. I have always been open about my fertility issues, anxiety, and divorce. I think that it is important that we start these conversations and have them become a bigger part of our conversations. No one should ever feel alone in a journey that they are on, and my goal is to make sure that no single parent who makes this decision feels that way!

I can't wait to continue on this journey and some day meet the little one that will complete me.

“Do you want to do something beautiful for God? There is a person who needs you. This is your chance.” — Mother Teresa

"Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It’s something quite magical.” — Nicole Kidman