I don't think anyone begins the adoption process with the misconception that it will be easier than conceiving biological children. That being said, I also don't think anyone starts their adoption journey realizing the strength it takes to endure the obstacles that lead to bringing your child home, I know I didn't.
We met with our birth mom on December 29th 2016.
The meeting went well and it felt like an instant connection was made. Though from different worlds there was a liking to each other, especially between my wife, Christine, and the birth mom. Her baby boy was due at the end of April 2017. She liked us and we began moving forward prepping our home for Isaac Gray Pasqualone. A name we had chosen a while ago because we believed that God was promising us this baby as he did with Abraham in the old testament.
Our plan was for us to fly to see her April 16th and spend the week waiting for the approximate due date of Isaac. On April 15th I got a phone call from our social worker, "Hey Anthony, good news and bad news…" I asked what the good news was first. She stated that the baby boy was born yesterday (the 14th) happy and healthy, she went on "the bad news is that the birth mom is unsure if she wants to continue with the adoption plan and may want to keep the baby."
Remember the strength we are unaware of adoption taking? I had never felt such a devastating blow in my entire life. I immediately called the airline (Delta who was amazing btw) and moved our flights to the next possible time, 4am the next morning via connections. I ran home finished packing and prepping everything to go. Except, I had not yet told Christine. She was working in Atlanta and due to come home that night to leave the next day. I hated the though of telling her and not being able to console her. But I eventually decided she had to know and I made the call. She was crushed.
The social worker advised us not to come and wait for the baby, however after talking with our attorney we decided that this birth-mother, while it was her right to keep this baby, needed to know how much are hearts were ready for THIS baby and we were determined to go to any length. So we went.
Around lunch on Monday I got a phone call from our social worker. She informed me that our birth mom had decided to keep the baby boy, that she just had to try. I had never seen my wife so crushed, and there was nothing I could do. We packed our things and headed straight home.
On the ride to the airport through tears and frustration we talked about this baby and how we wanted a child who was un-wanted. This baby was wanted by someone and we had to celebrate that as much as it hurt, and that our child was still waiting for us. However, i was not done and told Christine I didn’t think it was over and we would hear something in 5-6 weeks.
We got home and begun to heal and start moving towards the next adoption. We were hurt and angry but yet still had a softness in our heart. As any mom would, Christine began doubting herself and if it was God telling her we made a mistake in trying to adopt. It’s amazing how the enemy uses the workings of mankind to fool us into thinking it’s God’s plan when things go wrong.
Fast forward through five weeks of agony. Christine received a phone call, from the previous birth-mother, asking how she was doing… crazy, right? She went on to say things were too hard and she could not keep the baby and asked if we were still interested. INTERESTED????
We hopped on the first flights out to go and bring home our son! This baby was the sweetest and most scared little kid I’d ever seen. It was like a deer-in-the-headlights, on both sides. Isaac was small and malnourished and hadn’t been bathed in what seemed like weeks. He was covered in urine and had diaper rash coming up his back. His skull was suffering from plageocephally, which means his head was flat in the back and pushing his jaw forward, and his belly button was herniated. We spent two weeks in a hotel room before we were allowed to return home, but they were some of the best two weeks of our lives.
We are back home and our little six month old is one of the chunkiest, happiest, most easy-going babies you’ve ever been around. He never cries, unless he’s hungry (he’s definitely put the weight back on), he loves bath time and loves to talk. He’s ahead of all of his milestones and could not make us more proud to be his parents.
I am so thankful God promised us Isaac and delivered. We still have a great relationship with the birth-mom and her and Christine talk monthly.
It was such a rollercoaster and something that is so hard to articulate perfectly but it was the best decision we’ve ever made.
-Anthony
