Chris: Many of you who know me are in shock that the topic of children is even a thing. Being the former poster child for childless people, I’m surprised as well. When Vik and I met in late 2018, settling down was the farthest thing from my mind. Things changed very quickly when we met and it felt like we’d known each other for years - it was the cliche saying, “when you know, you know.” Neither of us are spring chickens and we each knew what we wanted in a partner, so everything unfolded quickly and effortlessly. We were engaged after six months, moved in together two months after that.
Vikrant: As a kid I used to keep every book and toy I owned in pristine condition and tell my parents I was saving everything for my kids. When I eventually came out to my mother, the first words she uttered were “I thought you wanted to be a father?” I explained to her that my desire and goal in life to have children had not changed, but the path to get there would just be….different. “There’s adoption and surrogacy,” I explained. Years later both my parents have passed away and that longing to have a family has only increased. Having grown up in a culture and upbringing that values raising a family above all things, finding the right partner in life was the most important part of the equation to be solved. On our first date, Chris and I realized we had the same life goals, and for the first time we could both see a future in which raising a family surrounded by love was possible,
Chris: As we continued our discussions about the future, the idea of a family kept coming up. Suddenly, all of my fears and apprehensions were gone. Don’t get me wrong, we are terrified at the thought of having a family, but it’s a “good” terrified. To make sure we had the parental genes, we decided to get Nacho the Yorkie in August 2020. She has taught us so much about the dynamics of how we are as parents and, more importantly, how to keep someone alive and thriving. We’ve learned that as independent as we each are in our professional careers, we are both quite co-dependent when it comes to running our household and sharing responsibilities. There is nothing quite like the feeling of “home” when you are with those you love.
In January of 2021 we bought Nacho her first house. We often joke that the house is hers and we just live with her - she runs this place. When we found our home, it was chosen with our future family in mind: plenty of space, land, and an exceptional school district. We’ve planted roots, and have planted them deep!
Turns out Mother Nature is making us take the long road to parenthood. We have invested everything we have financially in order to get into a house and town we love. However, through our research we have come to learn that in addition to being a long journey, the adoption process is very costly.
This is where we need help.
Adoptions from the Heart is a fantastic agency that deals primarily with infants. They are taking care of us every step of the way. We have been accepted into their program and are in the process of completing our education courses and home study. Katie is our excellent social worker (shout out to Katie!), and we can't wait to continue this process.
The adoption process in New Jersey costs $50,000 - $60,000 depending on the situation.
These are the adoption agency’s set fees: Application process: $750 Educational courses (required by agency): $900 Home Study: $1,900 Program Fee: $6,500 Placement Fee: $24,000 Post-Placement Reports: $2,000 TOTAL: $36,050
These are the variable legal & medical costs that are dependent on the state where the child is born and the situation of the mother: Interstate Compact Fee (if the child is born outside of NJ): $2,000 - $3000 New Jersey 72hr Surrender of Parental Rights: $3000 - $4000 Legal Fees (approximate): $6000 - $7000 Court Fees: $1000 - $2000 Medical expenses related to delivery and necessary travel costs: $2000 - $5000 TOTAL: $14,000 - $21,000
Grand Total: ~$49,000 - $58,000
Asking for help doesn't come lightly. When we shared our news with a small group of friends and family, the first question they asked was, "how can we support?" Because of this, we’ve created two platforms for anyone who wants to help us realize our dreams of becoming fathers. AdoptTogether is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization that gives the tax-deductible funds directly to the agency.
Help comes in many forms. We’d love your positive vibes and emotional support throughout this process - we will need it! If you could share our story with your friends and family, or on your social media, it would help us greatly!
Love you all!
Chris & Vikrant
