"The Love of a Family is life's greatest blessing." ~Eva Burrows
We began this adoption journey in the Fall of 2021. We took courses to prepare ourselves for adoption and all that may come with it. We were ready, and then we weren't. We had not yet given fertility treatments a try and maybe there was an easy fix. So we pivoted to fertility treatments.
January 2022-June 2024 we sought out fertility treatments. Tommy and Ashley both underwent surgeries to help fix issues and once those were sorted out, began trying IUI. This was a gray area for us as in our Catholic Faith IVF is not something that we believe respects life and God's role in marriage and a life. IUI still allowed God to work, but also gave us a better chance. We felt so fortunate too because we had infertility insurance that helped pay for most of these treatments! 7 tries later, there was no success in our IUI treatments. We know that it is not part of God's plan right now and we are accepting that. We are still feeling called to being parents which brings us to this.
We need help. Infant Adoption in the United States can cost anywhere from $35,000 to $60,000. The agency that we have chosen to go with, St. Elizabeth Coleman, costs about $30,000. "It takes a village to raise a kid" is what we keep hearing. What we are hoping is that our village will help us adopt a kiddo before we can raise one.
We would love any support that is given to us: prayers, time, happiness, talents, and monetary donation. We already know that we are so loved and our future child is so loved. Thank you in advance for all the love and support you have and will always show us. We love our village.
This past Thursday, we headed to the adoption agency to complete our adoption training. We did not know what to expect from that, but had a feeling that they would talk about how to talk to your families about adoption, how to handle adoption talk in your family, birth mothers/families and overall expectations of the process. In all reality, we felt like this could have all been covered in an hour. We already knew so much of the process and what to expect. What we did not expect to hear was how quickly we might need to have the money for when we take home a child. We were told that the wait for a child could be 18-24 months, but then told this past week that they have had a lot more "drop in's". This basically means a mother wants to give her child to a family to adopt, but doesn't make an adoption plan before the child is born. We would need to be ready to accept a child into our home within hours if that were to happen. What has been interesting throughout this whole process is just how Tommy and I have responded to different moments. Sometimes Tommy is more worried and reserved while Ashley is excited and giddy, but it also goes the other way for both of us.
At the end of the training we were told that we should hear back sometime this next week, but then it turned into definitely should hear back no later than two. When we started this all, we were told that we would likely be done with our home study in time for the holidays, but now are being told that they won't even come and visit our house until January. While we appreciate more time to figure out the financial piece of this all, we are eager to have a child in our home. We've painted, put up wallpaper, rearranged the whole house in preparation, had our crib, recliner and lamp purchased for us. We still need a lot of the basics, but we also would like to have a Baby Shower. However, when does one even have a baby shower in situations like these?
All of this to say, we are sad that it is taking longer than expected, but are excited to hear that a child could be in our home sooner than expected. We continue to pray, work, and prepare ourselves for a child. This time has been the most trying for us emotionally. We know the reward will be well worth it, but could really use some more Christmas spirit as we head towards another Christmas without a child. So please continue to keep us in your prayers as we continue to navigate this journey we did not expect to be on. Our love and prayers to you all.
It is almost a month to the day since we last shared an update with you. Thank you for your patience and understanding with that. This past month has been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions. We did add a crib and a rug to our nursery this past month though! Check out the picture below.
Let's rewind to October 16th! Ashley was on Fall Break and Tommy took time off from work to go to our initial meeting to begin our home study. We got dressed up and were so excited to take this first "big step". We walked into the office and were told to wait in a conference room. As we sat down, we noticed the "look books" in front of us and were even more excited as this all began feeling real. Our contact came in and sat with us as we began talking. Initially we were told this meeting would last 1.5 hours. We were nervous, but so ready to take this first step. We were asked to fill out a background check- no worries for us and we felt a completely normal first ask. Then we were handed document after document to complete at a later date. We were told what the next steps were and were sent home less than 30 minutes after our meeting began. December would be the next time something "big" would happen. Our emotions were all over the place after leaving that meeting. Why didn't we do more? Why wasn't this given to us a month or more ago? Why wasn't this a phone call or a zoom meeting? Are we going to be done with this step before Christmas? Will we ever be parents? The questions came in a flood of uncertainty as we left that meeting. When we arrive home, we completed all the paperwork we could and made sure all necessary appointments were made to complete the various steps of this Home Study. We are in the middle of our Home Study, but it just doesn't feel that way.
Fast forward to 2 days after our first Home Study meeting. An opportunity was presented to us of being able to foster-to-adopt an infant. Of course we were open to the idea of that, but had so many questions. We had initially began with foster-to-adopt in 2021, but were so worried about what would come with that we pulled away. We felt like this opportunity may be God asking us (calling us) to be open to that idea. So we just said yes to whatever might have come. We explored that option and talked to various people. We were unsure if it would even happen. We were hesitant to even tell our parents/families because of the false hope it may give them. We did anyway and we were all excited of this possibility. Even if it was not in God's Plan for it to happen, we continued to be open to the possibility. This past Wednesday the baby boy was born and more was added to the complication of fostering to adopt this child. For reasons we will never fully understand, it was not in God's plan for us to foster-to-adopt at this time. We informed our families and while we were disappointed, we had, and continue to have, faith that whatever God's Plan for us is that we will one day be parents.
If you have made it this far, thank you for joining us on our journey. Here we continue to wait and prepare ourselves for the adoption process. We wait by getting fingerprinted, heading to annual health check-ups, filling out questionnaires and paperwork, getting trained and eventually having someone visit our home. The wait is hard and long, but the joy and beautiful addition to our family one day will be more than we could ever hope and dream.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers and share our journey! There are so many families out there like us who long to be parents and we want them to know they are not alone. We will continue to pray with all of you for our future child as well as for all of you who are part of our village near and far.
This part of our wait is coming to an end! We received an email yesterday from our adoption agency requesting to set up a meeting for the beginning of our home study and today we confirmed a date! October 16th cannot come soon enough! When we first read the email, Ashley said we can meet tomorrow then quickly remembered that she had a busy day of parent teacher conferences (LOL). We have no words to express how excited we are to be in the stages of the home study!
We also received our first check from Adopt Together yesterday (in order to receive funds you request them based on the need of the step in the adoption journey). This initial check is covering the cost of the home study and the application fee that we had to give when we applied to adopt. Thank you so much for your time, love, kind words, and donations to us. Most especially thank you for your prayers and joining us on this journey. It may not be an easy one, but we are looking forward to what the end result will be!
All Our Love,
Tommy & Ashley
This month has felt like the longest month for Tommy and I. Waiting seems to always be the hardest part of any journey. Waiting for a vacation to come. Waiting for Christmas Morning. Waiting for a loved one to visit. For us this waiting has been occurring for a long time, but this past month of waiting feels like waiting for something you know is coming for sure. While we have been waiting, we painted our nursery, have been organizing various parts of our home, cleared a shelf in our cabinet for baby related items, worked on our registry and continue to change and adapt it. We are saving and pinching pennies so that one day we may welcome a child into our home. In doing so, we have found that the themed items we want for our nursery are expensive. How can we make those cheaper? We are creative people and love up-cycling things. We traveled to our local Ollie's and found a black clock for $4. We had a vision and were able to make a Winnie the Pooh themed clock using our creative skills and printer. All this to say while we wait, we are taking advantage of time together and the opportunity to get our house ready. Just like in Advent and in Lent when we are waiting for Jesus to be born or rise again, we continue to wait and prepare ourselves for a child one day.
We found out this past week that our Home Study process will begin in early October! While we do not have an exact date, we are excited to prepare for this. We have lived in our home for almost 4 years now and still have pictures that need hung up so our project list this month includes that. We also have been able to clear out our guest bedroom and plan on preparing that space to be our future nursery. Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We feel it, see it and hear it. Sending our love to all our supporters no matter how they support us. We continue to pray for all of you and our future child as we wait for the next steps.
