Many of you have asked us to share our story that led to adoption. Here it is…When Tony and I met 15 years ago we had dreams of a big family. I always knew I wanted to adopt and had told Tony that before we were even married. We planned to have a few of our own, and adopt a few. What we didn’t know then, is that infertility and loss would also be a huge part of our story. I remember so clearly the moment the doctor stated, “I’m sorry. You will never have children of your own,” as if it was casual conversation and not life-changing. Everything was a blur. I cried myself to sleep every night for the next 6 months, and can barely recall much else from that time. Tony carried me through, even though he was hurting, too. Once I started to feel better we decided to pursue adoption. As we learned more about adoption we felt called to foster care instead. We wanted to be part of restoring families and bringing them to God. We met with agencies, and started the process. Then I got what I thought was the flu for the first time in my life. My doctor told me to take a pregnancy test before coming in. I remember being so annoyed at the time and money I was wasting buying a test that would just be negative. But…it wasn’t. Since I knew it couldn’t be true I took maaaannnnyyy more to be sure. All positive. All God. I had never experienced such joy before. Tony’s sweet reaction when I told him remains one of the happiest moments of my life. Pregnancy was difficult with all day sickness the entire time, a stroke at 20 weeks, lots of stress, high-risk appts, a move, home renovations, parents divorcing, etc. but I had my miracle baby that was never supposed to be. I knew from the moment I saw positive I was having a son and it would likely be my only pregnancy. I cherished and documented every moment. Our perfect little miracle baby joined us and changed our world forever! Life before him seemed so shallow compared to life after him. It was more than I ever expected it to be. When Buggy (his nickname) was 2 we felt called to foster care. Our house opened 2 weeks before Tony was sent overseas on a year long deployment. Our first placement was 2 boys that experienced things they never should have. Seeing the brokenness in the system, the families, and our agency gave us a whole new perspective. Buggy was an incredible brother to the boys and reached them in such profound ways beyond his years. Our time with each of them came to a devastating end just before Tony returned home. Tony was home 2 weeks before he was told he was being activated at the Mexico border mission for at least a year. We closed our home, and moved into an RV to be near him. We moved around for a few years, and just focused on growing our family. We saw several positive pregnancy tests during that time, but each ended too soon. Buggy had this uncanny sense every time that I was pregnant, before I even knew! He also knew when the baby joined our Lord in heaven, without us saying a word. Loss after loss made it difficult to even feel excited, and each positive brought more grief than joy. I’m painfully private so no one fully knew what we were going through. A decision I regret now. People would tease that we should give Buggy a sibling, not knowing how painful the jokes were. When Buggy was 7 years old, we moved to Dallas with the intention of putting down roots. He kept asking to return to foster care because he missed being a brother, so we did. We loved all the babies that came into our home, but then came Baby M. The bond was immediate. Like when they hand you your baby in the hospital for the first time after birth. He felt so much like my own, like a piece of me, and we all loved him deeply. We didn’t hesitate when they asked if we were willing to adopt. We felt it was just so meant to be. He was the answer to all our prayers. We got a call a few months later that there was some distant family related by marriage that wanted him. Letting him go remains the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but we could see God’s plan at work. We love his family and that they wanted us to remain in his life. We know he is where he is meant to be. After Baby M left, Buggy told us it was too hard going from being a brother to not and he wanted a brother that stayed forever. We closed our home again. We decided to try for one last year to have another miracle. It didn’t take long to get another positive test, but just as we were comfortable telling family I lost it. That loss was harder than the rest, and was the first time I openly shared with people what was going on. I couldn’t do this alone anymore. I spoke with my doctor, bought all the ovulation tests, took all the supplements, and did all the things to help fertility. After 6 months of tracking/trying I took the info back in to discuss with my doctor. All my blood work and tests looked good, we knew what the issue with maintaining a pregnancy was, and we had hope for the first time in a long time. However, after 2 weeks on the fertility meds I had symptoms that reminded me of the stroke I had with Anthony. As I sat in the hospital bed with Tony and Buggy next to me, I heard words that were all too familiar. “You can never safely have your own children.” I prayed for God to give me a clear answer if we would have another of our own or not, and He did. It sounds crazy reading it back now that we kept trying in all these different ways, but the deep desire to have more children to love has never left. It has only grown increasingly stronger. This leads us to finally fulfilling the calling I have had since I was a little girl. Private adoption is very expensive which is why we never pursued it before. But now we are here with all the love and care to give another child and no child to receive it. Buggy’s every birthday wish, dandelion flower wish, and nightly prayer to have a sibling is also our own. He was never meant to be alone. He’s an incredible brother and I can’t wait to tell him his prayers and wishes came true. Here’s where we have to get really vulnerable and say that we can’t do it without help. We need to raise $30,000 to make this possible. Every single dollar helps. Please help us make Buggy’s dream come true
