Hello, Family and Friends!
Last week my cell phone screen cracked, and my coffee got cold before I could drink it– first world problems, I know. If you’re like me, your parents used to tell you about all the poor children in China when you would complain about toys you didn’t have or food you didn’t like. Now that I am older, I have no problem eating all of my food, but the children in China are still in need, and as a mother of two healthy kids, I am still thinking about those kids in China.
My family wants to be one of the thousands of families who have adopted waiting Children from China. There is a growing percentage of special needs children waiting to find homes. Every child should have the chance to grow up in a healthy and happy environment that allows them to hold on to innocence as long as possible–no matter where or how they were born, how healthy they are, or what they look like.
My husband and I recently met an inspiring man who runs an organization with seven locations around the world that is dedicated to providing surgery, foster care, and adoption to waiting children. They show unconditional love to these children, and we want to be a part of that beauty. We want to share this life that we have been given with a child who was born into a very different environment. With your help we are hoping to raise the approximately $30,000 necessary to fund this adoption.
You are a part of our community. Whether you are family, friend, or neighbor, you will impact our future child’s life. We are so happy to have you in our lives, and we would love for you to be involved in this process with us.
Sincerely,
Shannon, Seth, Ryon, and Samuel Herndon (and Gertrude, the dog)
P.S. If you would like to donate all or part of a particular fee, please let us know that you would like to designate a gift to that specific area. Thank you again for being a part of our journey! Fees range anywhere from:
$500 Home Study Application Fee
$2000 Home Study Fee
$250 Parent Training Fee
$400 Post-Adoption Fee
$1500 Home Study Update Fee
$250 Adoption Agency Application Fee
$5000 Adoption Agency Fee
$200 Home Study Review Fee
$2000 Hague Program Fee
$550 Notarization and
Authentication Fee
$300 Chinese Authentication Fee
$3000 China Program Fee
$1450 CCCWA Registration and BLAS
$3000 Translation and Dossier
Preparation Fee
$5833 Orphanage Donation
$1724 Photo ID, Provincial Civil
Registration, and Notary
$725 Civil Affairs Fee
$400 Post-Adoption Liability Fee
$300 Validation Liability Fee
$775 USCIS
$85/each parent Biometrics
$ Unknown Travel Fees
$360 Post-Placement Report
Translation Fee
10.7.2019
The word hope looks so pretty when it’s written in calligraphy on a background of rainbow-colored flowers. But I have never been more sad in my life than when I was in a state of hope. Hope is hard. Hope means that you do NOT have something. And when you’re hoping for something that your life will hinge on, it puts a hole in your heart. It can mean working, sweating, sacrificing, crying, and praying until it hurts, only to be left wanting. Hope is the cliff you look over right before you either find your heart broken or your dreams coming true.
The way I see it, our experiences in life create a sort of faith bank account. When we go through good and bad times alike, if we involve God or thank Him or plead with Him, we are creating a bank full of experiences. We put experiences of trust into the bank, and we withdraw faith. If we blame God for the bad times and believe we alone are responsible for the good things, we have nothing positive to put into the bank; it is no wonder we don’t have faith in Him. When we are more grateful for what we have, we have more faith in God.
Faith is the currency we use to acquire hope. Just like our human relationships, we are able to trust more when we believe someone will not hurt us. We have more or less faith in someone because of our experiences with them. In this time while we are waiting for our paperwork to process, we have seen no reason to suspect God will be cruel to us-- He is good. So, we are anticipating good things, even if the time frame is different than we thought it would be. Hope is not a “no.” But it’s not a “yes.” It’s like an emotional exercise, and it is exhausting at times, but exercise also makes us better, happier, and healthier. Beyond patience is faith; beyond faith is hope. Maybe beyond hope is love; it is the greatest of these, after all.
Seth reminded me last night of a parable told on that movie, Facing the Giants. "Two Farmers prayed for rain, but only one of them prepared his field. Which one do you think had more faith?" Which one had hope because of his faith? Well, we are praying and preparing for rain! I made a flow chart of how this should go from here on out if nothing else goes wrong. Chinese New Year in January will affect paper flow through government offices, so we're still not positive about which month we're traveling, though it is safe to say we won't see Asher until after his birthday. I am sad about that, but I have hope.
Hope means holding your breath knowing that this will not be the last time you will ever breathe. But there is an element of time involved with hope, and some people can hold their breath longer than others. I often see people who are praying for a loved one or praying for healing throw up their hands in defeat because there’s more to it than just wanting and waiting. Hope is waiting and trusting with a good attitude. You have to be optimistic, or else hope becomes something like jealousy or depression. Hope is such a powerful thing in humans that it can affect your quality of life. The Bible even says in Proverbs 13:12 that when hope is delayed, deferred, or crushed, our hearts are crushed, but “a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” Even in a scientific experiment involving rats, the rats who were given hope had more endurance than their counterparts.
Hope is a state of wanting with the words "Thy will be done" written on your heart. It is risky to trust a person because humans cannot promise perfection or goodness. To err is human, right? However, Romans 15:13 says, “May God, the source of hope, fill you with all joy and peace by means of your faith in Him…” Trusting God is not risky or foolish because He is consistent and good. Trusting Him brings joy and peace.
6.12.2019
When things don’t go how I thought they would go, and when my adoption process has taken two years (and counting), and my child is growing older and still doesn’t know us, I have a hard time seeing why God would allow our plans, our paperwork, and our relationships to develop any way but efficiently. Why wouldn’t God want the good things that I want? Wouldn’t it be better if Asher were home with us than living in an orphanage on the other side of the world?
Over the last week, I have coincidentally heard the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead about 6 times, and it is only Tuesday. The mourning sisters (Mary and Martha) repeatedly reason that if only Jesus had been there, this bad thing would not have happened. Jesus did know about Lazarus’ illness in time to save His friend from dying, but He chose to take his time getting there. Something I can’t ignore, though I have heard this story countless times in the past without really noticing it so much, is that Jesus kept telling everyone what He was going to do, but no one was actually listening to Him. He flat out told them that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but they just couldn’t fathom that Jesus might know His friend was dying and do nothing to stop it. The only good, happy, God-ordained sequence of events they could fathom at the time was the one where no one actually died. When Lazarus died, and Jesus didn’t even come until 4 days later, it was obvious to everyone that He was “too late.” But later, Lazarus was raised from the dead.
I also heard a story in the book of 2 Chronicles that I don’t remember hearing before. Israel, while under the leadership of Jehoshaphat, learns that they are about to be attacked by 3 other nations. Instead of gathering an army together to give themselves the best fighting chance, Jehoshaphat tells everyone to gather at the temple to fast, pray, and ask God what they should do. When under attack, it is not the most prudent plan to consolidate your targets, to starve, and to be nonproductive. Instead of leading them to defend themselves, Jehoshaphat admitted that he didn’t know what to do and led the people in a prayer. After the fasting and praying, God told them that He would take care of things. They wouldn’t even need to fight. They had so much faith that they would not need to fight against the 3 angry nations coming after them that they paraded out toward the battle with people singing on their front lines. This is generally a terrible way to advance toward people who want to kill you, but they just danced forward in faith and sang, “Thank the Lord, because His love endures forever!” When Jehoshaphat’s group approached the valley, they saw that the 3 nations had destroyed one another instead. Imagine if Israel had not paused, prayed, and fasted but instead rushed to battle to defend themselves. This timeline where they waited before acting saved their lives.
God is not always going to tell us what He is doing and why. Sometimes things that we think are bad or unfair are going to happen. But that doesn’t mean God is not there or that He is not doing His job. Who are we to tell Him what His job is? He can see so much more and so much farther than we can. I am convinced that under any circumstances, our adoption would have taken this long. Two years feels like too long of an amount of time, but if that’s what God knows is the best thing for us, then the mean time is best spent with a good attitude. I can agonize and stress and cry, or I can have peace and joy and trust knowing that God is working it all out. When I plan things, I don’t want my kids stressing and demanding to know all of the details; I want them to know that I love them and plan good things for them. Dancing and singing while we wait is time better spent than crying and looking for reasons. God told Abraham and David what he promised to do in their lives years and years before they ever saw it come to pass. And they were some of His favorite people. It’s faith building to have to wait, but it develops hope.
Often when we suffer or come up against something we feel is unjust, we default to comparing ourselves to Job. We tell our little souls, "Something bad has happened that I don't deserve, and we shall never know why! Maybe God will bless me in the end (*insert sad face and a sigh)."
I have nothing against Job; in fact, I find his story extremely valuable in my relationship with God, but I wonder why we don't compare our hardships more often to Joseph. It's easy to pretend we're a victim of our circumstances, but Joseph's story shows how a Godly man came against multiple incidences of hardship and moved forward through the rough times; he kept his faith in God's goodness and was blessed for his perseverance and faith and faithfulness and work ethic and integrity. He seemed to constantly make lemonade out of the lemons in his life. When sold into slavery, he worked so hard that his master made him head of his household. When wrongfully thrown into prison, he reformed and improved the prison system. When faced with the warning of a famine, he oversaw and designed systems that would protect multiple nations from starvation. Because of all he had been through with God, Joseph knew God would work things out if Joseph just kept doing what was right. He consistently did the difficult and mundane and thankless things that must have been hard to justify at times. His faith and perseverance gave him hope. Paul says in Romans that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. This is the faith I try to emulate-- faith that pushes forward and doesn't get paralyzed by looking backward or around in difficult times. Faith sees how God carries us through confusing times and brings us to new opportunities we didn't know were there. A setback as we perceive it may be a step in the right direction from an eternal perspective. Our plans and our ways are so finite compared to God's.
I remember how training for a half-marathon was largely a mental exercise. When I would get tired, I would have to tell myself to just keep moving my feet no matter how I felt. That discipline produced hours of peace when my body caught up with my brain and eventually enjoyed the exercise. I literally just had to keep moving. The peace followed the discipline. While waiting for Asher, God has allowed our family to have many experiences and blessings, and with the passing of time comes maturity and knowledge. Though it seems counterintuitive, it is best for Asher to be where he is and for us to remain here growing in every way we can. I know God's timing will be best for everyone involved. I might not know exactly what that means yet, but fruit sometimes takes a while to develop. Biting too soon may just taste sour.
Patience and longsuffering are two fruits of the Spirit; the development of both of those involves waiting for something for longer than we want to. We can have hope though, because we know God is good. He’s better than I am (if He is truly a good God), and if I have good plans and ideas, His can only be better. If I’m kind, He can only be kinder. He is taking care of Asher now at the orphanage better than we could at home, and He will keep taking care of him until we see him and bring him home. But all in His timing.
Longsuffering and patience cannot be achieved without enduring an uncomfortable amount of time. Time is a necessary ingredient in the development of these virtues.
The details of the beginning of Gideon’s story were unfamiliar to me too. I always think of him as the doubting, fleece-laying guy who kept asking God to repeat Himself. But really, he had been oppressed for the last 7 years, and to survive, he like many others was hiding his food from the Midianites. He had a hard time believing that God was with him because things were so bad. Gideon believed God and obeyed Him, he just had a hard time believing that God would choose to use him of all people. He saw himself as weak and insignificant, but when he obeyed God’s plans, he did very significant things. When Gideon finally believed God was going to have him lead a battle against the Midianites, so he tried to gather a large group of men to help him fight. He didn’t know that God didn’t actually want him to fight. It might have been easier for Gideon if God had told him that he was going to do something different than he expected, but God wanted to do this trust exercise. When the size of Gideon’s army was whittled down to an unrealistically small number compared to the enemy, God told them to move forward with jars, trumpets, and torches. That makes no sense. Worst battle strategy ever. But Gideon’s ridiculous army followed God’s strange instructions and used illusions at night to confuse the enemy into virtually destroying themselves. They won an impossible battle.
Often, I feel like my hands are tied. There were times when I had a lot to do to prepare the paperwork for our dossier, and there are more times now when I have to sit and wait for things to process, or I have to do something over again, or someone else’s error causes us to spend extra time and money. It is so frustrating, and I don’t understand what God is doing with this extended timeline. I feel like I had a pretty good plan laid out when we first got started, but it seems that He would like to do a trust exercise first. He is doing something different than I expected, but I don’t see what it is yet. It feels like God is “too late” sometimes, and I have questions when delays and hiccups happen. But I do trust Him. I’m confused, but I trust Him. I have no idea why it would be better for us to have to wait this long, but it must be a good reason. Longsuffering and patience cannot be achieved without enduring an uncomfortable amount of time. Time is a necessary ingredient in the development of these virtues.
5.17.2018
We were more than curious and a little nervous about this series of inspections that would bring a stranger into our home for the purpose of inspecting it. I cleaned. A lot. And I prayed just about the same amount. I bought cinnamon rolls and made coffee. Sugary baked goods and caffeine make almost everything better. Our house is already pretty kid-friendly and kid-proofed, so that was the easy part. But when you bring a baby home from the hospital, no one comes to your house first to make sure you have a carbon monoxide detector or a safe back yard.
It's amusing to see the parallels and non-parallels in the pregnancy/adoption processes. When we were pregnant, we put together a crib, bought tiny diapers, had a baby shower, bought baby products, chose a name, went to doctor appointments, cleaned the house, talked to Ryon about becoming a big sister, chose a hospital, took time off work, etc.
Internationally adopting, we are not quite sure how old he will be when he comes into this home, so we put together bunk beds (keeping the pack n play handy), bought some t-shirts (wondering if he will need diapers or not), put together a website to fundraise and blog, downloaded Mandarin Chinese apps and made youtube video lists to learn some basic Chinese before trying to communicate with our new son, chose a name, went to doctor appointments, cleaned the house, talked to Ryon and Samuel about being a big sister again and a big brother, chose an adoption agency (and later book a flight), planned to take time off work, etc.
I digress.
Our home study consisted of 3 visits (varying in length from a few hours to about 6 hours each), and most of the hours were spent just talking about life. Our prayers were answered, and any fear we had about the home study disappeared when we met Lori. She was so sweet, and we were able to be completely honest with her about our family, our motives, our faith, and our silly quirks. Ryon had no problems having conversations with Mrs. Lori, and Samuel kept asking her if she wanted to play Legos with him in his room. After our adoption, we will have a few more visits from our social worker to allow us to ask more questions, to get more help, and to write a mandatory report to the Chinese and US governments that the placement went well, and that the child is happy and healthy.
With the homestudy completed, we are finally able to send in our i800A in order to receive our biometrics appointment so that we can finally receive a 797 number from the immigration office which will allow us to send our i800 form to Sacramento (but not before we send our documents to be Certified and Authenticated by the state of California--who knew red tape could cost so much!). All of this will mean that we are cleared to adopt by the US government. Simple, right?
When all this is done, our agency can send our dossier (full of original documents we have been compiling for 10 months) to China, after which China will send us a Letter of Approval (LOA) which will mean that we are cleared to adopt by the Chinese government.
Some time after this, we will apply for the child's visa and we will get travel approval and flights and make an appointment at the consulate in China (People's Republic of China)
Because so much of this is dependent upon the speed at which a file can move through international government offices, we have no clear date for our finish line. We are guessing that we may go to China in September, but we cannot be sure. As promised, we will let you know! Seth, Ryon, and I recently watched “Find Me”, a documentary about families who have the opportunity on their China trip to visit their child’s finding place (where the child was recovered before being institutionalized). In the future, seeing the place where his parents took care to leave him so that he could find immediate medical attention will be something special for us to share with Asher. We will be sure to take tons and tons of pictures and share as much with everyone as possible. This is sure to be a beautiful trip.
We got updated pictures of our baby. He’s 17 months old in the pictures, and about 18 months old now. I am so anxious to see him in person. Seth knows that one of the ways I handle stress it to dismiss the thoughts that are stressing me out so that I don’t get all worked up and emotional about things I can’t control. It’s tricky in this situation because I can’t just stop thinking about this. This adorable boy is about to be a part of our family. Every time I mail a document to Sacramento, my child is learning a new word that I don’t know, growing taller in clothes I didn’t buy him, taking steps I didn’t see, learning songs I can’t hear, and making memories I’m not in. I try so hard not to cry about this because I can’t do anything faster than I already am. I really want to see him before his second birthday though. I missed his first one. I find consolation in “nesting” activities like setting up the boys’ bedroom, buying clothes that might fit him, and preparing for our trip to China. I wish you could hear Samuel pray for Asher every night and tell people about his new brother. It has been so difficult to document this journey, but we appreciate your love, prayer, support, and excitement. We love you so much. Really.
So here’s an update as fresh as yesterday. Submitting and processing our i800A and getting fingerprinted for this approval is supposed to take 60-90 days. We told Ryon that if this process takes too long, that we may not be able to take her with us to China; if our trip is in the first month or two of school (August-September), she would need to stay home with her mom instead. Well, last night, I opened a letter that is postmarked 29 days from my submittal of the form saying that our i800A was processed; our fingerprints were processed as well, and we are approved by the US government to move forward to the next step. If that’s not another miraculous answer to prayer, then I don’t know what is. Our paperwork has been processed so quickly throughout this last ten months, it just feels obvious that this is all God’s idea, and we have nothing to stress about.
One final request, please keep Asher’s health in prayer. He was born with some congenital digestive issues, and we are suspicious that they may have gotten worse. I cannot go into any detail, so please forgive my mysterious lack of explanation. We know that God is the only one who can do anything about it, so we are trying to put it completely in His hands. If God cares about the birds and lilies, He will more than care for our concerns (Matthew 6). In googling this topic I came across a Catholic prayer that is so beautiful, “Father of goodness and love, hear our prayers for the sick members of our community and for all who are in need. Amid mental and physical suffering may they find consolation in your healing presence. Show your mercy as you close wounds, cure illness, make broken bodies whole and free downcast spirits. May these special people find lasting health and deliverance, and so join us in thanking you for all your gifts. We ask this through the Lord Jesus who healed those who believed. Amen.” God healed people who were missing body parts and made hurting people whole again; He is merciful and kind. This is the God I love and trust. Please hope and pray with us that our kiddo in China will be healthy and happy and protected. Thank you for being a part of this story, our community, and our family.
2.20.2018
Okay, so this journey that's supposed to take years is looking like it will take less than one year. What a beast all this paperwork is! I have so much to share since my last update, but alas, I can't move my status beyond "Paperwork in Progress." I don't mean that things haven't been exciting-- sometimes I cry, bite my nails, or fall asleep with the computer on my lap. I have become pretty tight with the people at the Postal Annex and with my notary-- that’s right, I have my very own notary (She’s awesome, and I can give you her card if you’d like).
The usual order of things (abridged) when people adopt is:
-Application Process: it's like a college application and a home loan application have a baby, and it's got colic.
-Home Study: the college application/home loan baby is now a big, hungry teenager who got a degree in child psychology and wants to interview your house.
-Matching: it's like finally getting to see ultrasound pictures of your baby, but there are several babies, and they have health portfolios, and you have to chose just one-- so then the whole thing kind of turns into some moral philosophy dilemma.
-Dossier: it's like being pregnant, but instead of heartburn, you get paper cuts; the nurse is a notary; and you have no idea how many months you'll be pregnant-- also, you're still getting fat from stress eating, but you can't really blame it on the baby the same way.
-Travel: not sure yet, but it sounds like we'll be those people on the 12-hour flight with the baby who won't stop crying.
We did things a little differently, so our journey has been in this order:
-Applications (done)
-Matching (done)
-Home Study (paperwork is done, but we have two more interviews scheduled for February 24 and March 10)
-Dossier (working on it while doing home study, but some things can’t be completed until home study is completed, then the rest is up to the US and Chinese governments)
-Travel (absolutely no idea when we’re going. Maybe April? July?)
In other words, we have been doing a lot of paperwork, paying fees, taking child development classes, taking cultural education classes, going to the Postal Annex, paying fees, hanging out with our notary, doing interviews, going to doctors’ offices, paying fees, making copies, scanning copies, signing things, and writing essays --maybe some of this is just karma for assigning homework and essays for over a decade.
Well, the silver lining on the cloud of all this busy work is that we have been matched with a child in China! We signed an agreement that we would not discuss details of our adoption online, but I can tell you that we have seen the face of our newest family member, and we have a few video clips of him smiling, crawling toward the camera, and chewing on a rubber duckie. Because he was recovered at a hospital, and his parents could not be found, he has the Chinese equivalent of the name, John Doe. Because there is a lot of negativity associated with his name, we will be renaming him when he is officially adopted. After perusing the name-meaning websites, we decided to name him Asher because it means “happy and blessed” (the tribe of Asher in the Bible was among the most blessed and prosperous). Because Samuel’s middle name is the Herndon family name, Orin, we decided to give our new kiddo the middle name that is the Jonker family name, Johnathan (don’t worry, we checked with my brother and Sahra first).
To our friends and family who have cared enough to caution us about the darker sides of the adoption experiences, thank you. We are doing our best to be well-read, and we have consulted with as many people as we can regarding attachment disorders, sensory processing disorder, autism, depression, and other issues associated with the traumatic parts of adoption. We will be doing everything we can to make sure he is well adjusted and that our eyes are wide open to warning signs. We know that the paperwork and files we have been shown may be a misrepresentation of what is really going on with this little guy, but as Seth says, we are preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.
That being said, we are confident that no matter what obstacles are in front of us, things are going to be good. I know they won’t always be happy, but they will always be good. This whole thing was God’s idea, so He’s going to take care of us, our new kiddo, and everything in between. There has already been so much evidence of God’s providence in all of this, we can’t help but have increased faith and hope, and our hope is not at all ignorant or naive. We are confident that our future happiness will not be in perfect circumstances, whatever that means. Life is complicated. Kids are complicated humans, whether they are biological, step, or adopted. Things will definitely be hard, but we’re going to take it one step at a time because we can’t handle more than that. If we can’t trust God beyond each step, we shouldn’t be doing any of this.
In addition to numerous scheduling coincidences that we can only attribute to the intervention of a Higher Power (please ask me about these some other time), there has been the issue of funding. We have a bank account set up for all of our adoption transactions where I have been depositing proceeds from selling odds and ends online in a sort of virtual garage sale, selling shirts, substituting at the school, babysitting for friends and family, and collecting money in any odd way I can think of. After charging only one fee to our credit card, there has been enough money in the account every other time we have needed to make a payment to our agencies. Let me be very clear about this not being a product of my good planning and budgeting. I have been frustrated that even though we’re more than half way through the adoption process, we cannot yet apply for a low-interest adoption loan because we have not yet completed our home study, and no one will let us apply for an adoption loan without a completed home study (the unknown side effect of being matched before completing the home study). But every time I would tell God that I had exhausted my resources, and I didn’t know where He was going to scrape up more support for this crazy idea of His, he would show me another deposit on the AdoptTogether website that has been collecting donations for us. The organization will write us grants from your donations to pay for agency fees and other expenses, and our most recent fee was covered using your donations! We have seen support in amounts we never could have asked for. I have been so giddy seeing each donation come in, that sometimes I call Seth at work because I just have to tell someone over the age of 3. So, THANK YOU, everyone who has sent us an encouraging text or a donation. Thank you for being the encouragement we’ve needed on those days you might not have known we were holding on to hope. Thank you for being what God used that day to give us more hope and more faith.
Someone asked us why we didn’t just adopt from the system in the US, and that is a good question. We were actually going to do that, but our minds were changed. It’s hard to explain because I don’t know that there’s a “good explanation” outside of just knowing. When you’re doing what you are supposed to be doing, you just know it. And in that way, it just feels easy. It’s like when you’re cooking something; you know when things start to go bad because you can see, smell, and taste the catastrophe. If you’re doing it right, you can keep watching, smelling, and tasting it along the way to make sure you’re still doing it right. And so far, things still taste, smell, and look good. Difficult has nothing to do with it. Sometimes the difficult recipes make the best stuff.
The last six months has been more difficult yet more easy at the same time. It’s like when you’ve been working out a lot, and your routines get more difficult because you can handle more weight, or you have more endurance, but things don’t always feel hard because you’re conditioning yourself to it. Our faith and hope is getting quite a workout, and I imagine we still have a quite a bit to lift and a distance still to run. But this journey has made me more aware of the presence of Someone bigger than me who knows more than me and loves people more entirely than me. We read together as a family last night in the book of Matthew that Jesus was adopted by Joseph, and we paused because we hadn’t really listened to that part before. Jesus chose to know what it felt like to be looked down on in a society that did not value orphans, fatherless adoptees, the poor, or widows. It’s very likely that Jesus grew up in exactly that social bracket. But he chose it. It’s amazing what he did to show humility and empathy and love for us. No matter what we are going through, God hears our pain, and it’s always nice to talk to someone who empathizes with us. Sorry if this all seems religious; it’s not meant to be at all. We have seen all of this so vividly lately that this is the truth that we are experiencing and want to share. We love you all so much, and we value your support and prayers so much. I hope this update is more satisfying than the last few. Hopefully our next one will be even more evolved.
