We've got the biggest and most exciting news of our lives…
Our family is growing by way of open adoption.
In many ways it feels like this journey has always been in the cards. From the moment we began discussing having a family, adoption has always been a part of the conversation. Early on, we were not sure we could afford and find an agency to work with, that take care of birth families and establish loving matches through open adoption. We're overjoyed to have come to a point in our lives where we've found that exact agency and we're making it happen!
Why adoption? And why open adoption? There are so many reasons - For one, it's because we believe wholeheartedly that we are meant to be on this journey. We feel so incredibly connected to the values identified by our adoption community as it relates to love and loss, mutual respect and building a family. Because we believe open adoption is one of the most loving ways we can build our family. Above all else, love and hope is what makes a family. This doesn't just include our someday baby - it includes the individual(s) who will choose us to become parents, always and forever.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for helping us in your contribution to our adoption fund. We will never have words to express how much it means to us and our family. And thank you for coming along on our ride - we look forward to keeping you updated on our status and updates! We also hope you might feel inspired to learn more about the adoption community, how to support adoptees and birth families.
Much love, Carly & TJ
On to the next step!
State clearances are in ✅
Our adoption profile with the agency is in production ✅
We begin our home study next month! 😊
We’re entering the final leg of what feels like the "first trimester" of adoption. Once our home study is complete, we’ll be on our way to becoming “active” and entering the waiting phase. We’re equally excited and nervous about this next step and everything it will bring.
A little update on what we’ve been up to in preparation...
The attached photo shows our favorite project so far: putting together the nursery.
We’ve spent a lot of time in this space, processing, reflecting, and dreaming. Many moments are filled with thoughts about our future child—wondering what they’ll love, how they’ll grow into their own person, and how this room will be the first world they get to create. We also spend time thinking about their birth parents. We write letters and journal to them, imagining how they might be doing right now. Our hope is that one day, we can give these letters to show how deeply they were loved, even before they chose us.
There’s so much uncertainty in growing a family, and adoption is no exception. For us, the roadmap feels less clear at times. But small, meaningful actions—like writing to our future birth parents or picking out books we’re excited to read to our child—have become the most grounding part of this journey. While they don’t give us answers about when, how, or what’s next, they connect us to what matters most: building our family.
Heading into the home study, we know our social worker will ask us about how we manage tough moments, our relationship, and how we navigate uncertainty. And honestly, our answer is much like what we’ve written here: it’s hard, and we don’t love it—just like most people wouldn’t. But we’ve learned that resisting or trying to control uncertainty doesn’t get us anywhere. The best we can do is stay close to our hope and intentions.
The two of us have faced some tough loss and uncertainty in our history together and we've learned alot from it. Some days, we’re really good at using all we've learned. Other days, you’d never guess that Carly is an anxiety specialist who preaches these same concepts 🙃.
But, as a sweet friend reminded us recently: creating a family is the messiest, most beautiful thing you can do.
We’re hopeful to update you with our next steps soon. In the meantime, we’re endlessly grateful for your support.
A Quick Note About Donations:
Your donation to this page goes to a nonprofit and is tax-deductible! If your workplace has a donation matching program, Adopttogether can provide the necessary tax forms to make that happen.
With love and gratitude,
C & T
Hello!!
It's been a moment since I've gotten on here to update and report on news. I wish I could offer more exciting things but we're still on the path to getting our home-study set up, after which, we hope to be officially active and in the wait.
I mostly wanted to jump on here to shout from the roof tops a massive THANK YOU. We have been overwhelmed with the generosity and love felt by all of you and our community. Adoption is such a journey of heart and mind - feeling each of your presence of support has helped us in the moments that we're feeling the inevitable struggle of uncertainty this road takes you on.
A few things I wanted to update on because we've been asked frequently -
1. Whats the timeline when we are active?
Of the uncertain variables in adoption - this is probably one of the biggest. We have heard stories of people waiting for well over a year if not years. We've also recently encountered stories of waiting families like us who were matched and placed in as little as a month. Our tagline right now is that our gestational period is very uncertain. We're so hopeful that once we're officially active, our match will happen within the year. But our responsibility is to ride out whatever timeline is necessary for us to match with who we're meant to be with.
2. Where might we end up traveling too?
Another hugely uncertain variable -- technically anywhere in the US ...
The type of adoption we're undertaking is referred to as an open infant domestic - meaning we know our future child will be born in the US and thats about it. This is one of the many factors that make adoption so expensive. It's on us to travel to wherever baby is born, and then we must live and stay in that state (if not NY), for as long as the birth states ICPC requires. The ICPC is a period of time where the birth state and our state of residence confer to determine that baby is now a NYS resident. Every state is different in regards to how long this ICPC is - the longest is 2weeks, some are just a few days. We have to be prepared mentally, materially and financially for the any of the above. Our agency tends to connect with birth parents in the northeast, so we guesstimate to stay on the east coast.
3. One question we got recently that I think is important to address is - what if we don't get along with the birth parent(s)?
I think what makes open adoption really special and unique is that when we 'match', its not with our baby. It means we've matched with a birth parent(s) and there's been an agreement amongst us that we're in this together. In all reality we are not just growing our family by one child, we're building extended family as well too.
Will we always get along? I hope so, but I also assume probably not. Have you never had a disagreement with any of your extended family members?
What matters to us more is that regardless of whether we are always in agreement or not, that we put our shared child first and make sure their needs comes first. Because thats what family does, and thats what parents should do.
If anyone has more questions, please shoot us an email at [email protected] - we'd love to share more here.
Thank you all so much <3
We are so happy to be able to say we've officially submitted our adoption application as well as profile!! We're anticipating that we will have at least 5 corrections to each we will need to make (typos, the wrong photos selected etc) - but we are feeling very excited to have some of the bigger parts of 'paperwork pregnancy' completed and looking ahead to the next!
Speaking of next - we're hopeful to get our home study process underway. Our home will be inspected by a social worker, but before we get there both us will be interviewed separately. The interview process is an opportunity for our assigned social worker to get to know us as individuals and give highlight to where our strengths are as prospective adoptive parents as well as where we might need education. We're feeling mostly excited about this part of the journey -- but there are some nerves about wanting to get it all right. Not just to 'pass' but also to know that we're in the right mindset for our future child and future extended family members via our child's biological parents.
A big conversation piece in our house as of late is just how layered, nuanced and complex the world of adoption is - yet so few people seem to know much about it. For one, the route we're taking via open infant domestic adoption is just one of many different routes a family may take to grow through adoption. Depending on which lens you look from (adoptee, adoptive parents, biological parents) the POV is also drastically different. This is part of the nuance and it's both very powerful and overwhelming. Not in a bad way, more so a matter of fact manner. And WE had so much to learn when we chose to become parents through adoption. We've come to the realization that like any parent, we'll be learning till our last breath.
But that is a huge beauty and collective feature about the adoption community we've come to be apart of. There is an emphasis on talking about the hard stuff, not leaving it in the shadows. There is power in leaning into the vulnerable truth of 'not knowing' so you can ask the tough questions and learn more. There is a willingness towards acknowledging the inherent loss that exists within the adoption triad (family made by adoption) so that love can meet it. And for that we will be grateful until our last breath.
So as we prepare for our next 'step' in this journey, we look forward to sharing with you our learnings, vulnerabilities, loss and love :) And THANK YOU to each of you for your generous gift towards making our journey possible. We cannot put into words the help it provides.
Last but not least - at the top is one of the photos that we got taken for our 'announcement' - sorta a silly sentiment when we've got our hearts pouring out on this page, but the pic is damn cute so we're sharing!
8/3/24
Right now we're in whats often referred to as the 'paper pregnancy' stage. We are working on our adoption application with the guidance of our agency and prepping for our home-study as well as creating our adoption profile. What we've come to realize is that a lot of people (including us at the start) - don't realize just how emotionally intensive, let alone work intensive the process is to be approved to adopt. This application is not just what our street address is and our job titles - its lengthy self assessments with questions like; "what are the most traumatic events you've experienced and how did you to cope" to "what do you expect your parenting discipline style to be?". Here's the thing - we're grateful for this, because we believe wholeheartedly that it is preparing us to be the best versions of ourselves when our child and birth family comes into our lives. We're just a few pieces away from being done with this!
For our home-study, we'll be working with an amazing social worker who is also a parent through open adoption. She'll be interviewing each of us separately to do a comprehensive assessment of our psychological, social and relational statuses. Then we have to introduce her to our rowdy pups when she comes to check out the house (we're not sure which is more intimidating ). Simultaneous to this, we'll be engaged in classes selected by our social worker that will prepare us for parenting, parenting through adoption, and maintaining the adoption triad relationship (birth family, us & baby).
The hope is, that we will keep moving through this process at a strong speed so we're considered by the state of NY as well as our agency 'active' sometime early fall ... meaning we're officially in the wait period. More on that soon and all it entails not just for us, but our eventual birth parents.
Thank you for joining our journey <3
C&T
